im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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