Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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