Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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