Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
