How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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