is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
