I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
