She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
