I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
either way he was missing a nipple.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
