tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
