he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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