someone get that fucking seahorse.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
