He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
