Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
