why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
