Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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