My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
