i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
