it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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