Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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