dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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