Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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