Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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