SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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