Do you still have your period?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
