I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
