Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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