Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
