No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
