Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize