I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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