I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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