Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
