It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
