yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
