...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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