1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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