3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
