There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize