I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
