OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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