I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
