I haven't been this sober since birth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
