i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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