Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
