Why are handjobs necessary in class?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
