she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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