just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
