I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
