The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
