my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
