I skipped work to stalk him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
