Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's Friday. Sex?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize