i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
