I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
