His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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