Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
