He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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