They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
