Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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