I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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