the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Farmville is her only friend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
