When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
