Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
