I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
